Introducing "The S.T.A.N. Plan"

Google Search Telemarketers Test

Dear Google Telemarketers. Go Away

Google Telemarketers Test

Did You Get A Phone Call From Google? Or not? 

First of all 

they ain't from Google. Second of all, they aren't marketers. They more like parasites preying on the innocent blood of the unknowing. Once you pick up that phone and show any interest at all, they sink their teeth in. They want to tell you about all the neat things they can do for you. They want to tell you about all the bad things that will happen if you don't hire them. And if you say the most innocent of words back to them, like "Really?" for example. They can sense your fear. Most of it's a bunch of malarky. But unfortunately, some of it isn't.

How Do You Tell The Difference? 

It ain't easy, but it is doable. The problem with it is that some of what they are saying is true. For example, there has been a change in the way Google handles mobile sites. Yes, you should do something about making your site display better on a tablet, smart phone, or any device. It's called 'responsive design', and most of them selling THAT particular service will throw that phrase out at you. Don't let it overwhelm you. Here's what you ask them. "Will the XML Translator on your responsive design handle the fistulas from the data parser?" If they assure you that it will, thank them for the information and hang up on them. There's no such thing. Just put them in your block/ignore/spam list and forget about them. If they say "there's no such thing as that.", then you may have someone who at least knows a little something.

And Then There's The Search Guys 

You know them. They call up and talk about your site not showing up on Google. They tell you some numbers about something that matters somewhere to somebody. They tell you that their system is used by astronauts on Mars to make sure their videos get found. Using them will ensure your site gets found, people will notice, and the continued success of your business. Here's the quickest way to tell them apart. Ask them this one question. "Can you guarantee me the top position on page one of Google?" If they say yes, then thank them for their time and hang up. I don't know of a way to guarantee that, unless they are talking about the paid advertising positions. And if you're wallet is big enough, go for it. But it better be really big.

So What Should You Do? 

First of all you have to accept that there is validity in what they are saying. Google does incredibly complex things when it comes to search. And you have to realize the person you;'re talking to is a sales person. You probably know as much about it as they do. Which translates to 'very little'. They have a 'Responso-matic' computer screen in front of them providing them the buzz words. The people that really understand this stuff aren't sales people. They are code writers who study things a lot deeper than 'key words' and 'meta tags'. You'll find them either giving seminars about the process, or attending them. So there are two options. One, go with questions similar to those above, and follow your gut level feeling about the provider. Two, hire someone to handle it for you. That person doesn't have to be able to DO search engine optimization, but they do need to understand how to sort the disinformation from the good stuff. And just FYI, I'm pretty good at that. Use this webpage to get in touch with me.

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